Update

I am not sure if anyone is reading this much anymore.  I thought I would try to quickly update you on what all we have been up to over the last few months.  Now the only question is where to start. 

We will start with the biggest change.  David has moved to Montana.  Yes you did read that right. He was actually traveling back and forth for job interviews while dad was in the hospital.  Mel is still in the DFW area.  She hangs out with my mom on a regular basis.  She is working very hard on planning the wedding for this coming July.  David seems to be enjoying his new job and his new location.  I know that he had a very difficult time leaving because he felt the he left my mom alone.  He knows that we support his decision and will do what we can to help.  We also know how excited and proud dad was of him during the interviewing process.  My dad would be completely focused on anything to do with the move and new job when he was in the hospital.  So overall Dave has had the most changes and he is doing good!

Dan and Bekah are doing well.  Dan had his gallbladder removed in mid-February.  The surgery went well and he is doing pretty good.  They are busy as always, but they are doing good.

Bryan and I are also doing good.  We are keeping busy with life.  But there is nothing really big or exciting with us!  Stick around for a few months and it will get exciting.  It always does!

Now for the update on the three smallest members of the family.  All three have celebrated their birthdays'.  Yes that is right... we know have two one year olds and a three year old in the family.  They are all doing good and are growing like weeds.  Lauren has a big thing about asking my mom and I if Papa gave us our necklaces.  My mom always says that yes he did give her hers.  Bryan gave me mine so that is what I tell her.  My mom got Lauren a necklace for her birthday.  When she opened it at her party she said something to the effect of "papa gave me a necklace."  Talk about a real party stopper.  It was really sweet and she was so proud of it.  She was talking to me one day and we were talking about going to the zoo.  She told me that we could take papa.  Then she looked at me and laughed and said "Issa... Papa can't go... He is in heaven."  I told her that she was right and we went on with the conversation.  But all three are doing good.

Now for the person you are probably most concerned about, my mom.  She is doing pretty well.  Everyday holds a little encouragement and a little reminder.  She is working hard on getting things completed.  She is looking forward to the day when things are not still outstanding.  She has kept very busy with trips to Chicago, Florida, and Austin.  She made to both birthday parties.  She has had lots of company and lots of friends to do stuff with.  We are grateful for the impact each of you have had to make this transition more comfortable for her.

Not a day goes by that I don't replay the events of the month dad spent in the hospital.  Not a night goes by that I don't go to bed without thinking about the night that I got the call that he was not going to make it.  But, not a day goes by that I don't smile at some reminder of him.  He was such an incredible man and left us with so many great memories but still such a large void.  Thank you for you continued thoughts and prayers.  We still need them and they are still felt!   

Moments

I have started typing an update many times.  I stop before I actually get it posted each time.  Everyone is doing okay.  I know that we still feel that this is all unreal.  I was talking to my friend whose dad is in construction in DFW area and was trying to remember how a couple of companies came about.  I thought to myself that I need to call dad when I am on my way home and ask him.  Thankfully I didn't say it out loud.  I know my friend would of understood, but I still would of felt stupid. 

I have battled a lot with what to do about this blog.  I originally set it up as my family blog to update on the fun stuff we were doing.  I don't want to change what this blog has become.  I have decided that I will start a new blog to post all the fun things we do.  I will still post on here my updates on my mom and my own personal journey through the grief.  Please feel free to check it out.  The address is funattheatkinsons.blogspot.com.  It is just getting started.  Please forgive me if you check it before it has stuff on it.

Just Smiling

There is a quote from Dr. Seuss that goes like this "Don't cry because it is over.  Smile because it happened."  I have found myself doing both of these things recently.  Grant has taught himself how to climb up the stairs.  I think every time that he gets to the top how proud my dad would be to see this.  It is so easy to smile when I think of all the memories that I will always have.  I will have those for a very long time.  God has been and will be so good to us.  He has provided all that we need and will continue to do so.  

Time

I can't believe that we are at the three week mark.  It has really hit me this week that his death is real.  I left my mom's the Monday after the funeral.  I guess that kind of made me separate myself from acknowledging it.  I went back last Thursday.  It really hit me that he was not in the hospital or just at work.  I had a good visit with my mom.  We had many good discussions.  One that sticks out was about time.  I remember the morning that he died I was in the car on the way up there.  I had left my house in Austin around 5:30.  It was still dark outside when David called.  Shortly after the sun started to come up.  I vividly remember thinking to myself that the sun was still going to raise.  I said to myself and the baby sleeping in the backseat "I guess the world is going to keep going".  I thought this many times while my dad was in the hospital.  We would get Christmas cards and I would always think to myself "don't these people know that the world has stopped?"  I now know that it didn't.  My mom and I discussed the balance between figuring out how to catch up on life while still being respectful of my dad.  I noticed last Thursday a large barn had been built and on that was completed framed on my drive between Austin and Dallas.  I had not noticed anything there on my trips recently.  I have made this trip many times and can tell you if there was a barn there or not.  I guess I was so wrapped up in my life stopping that I had no clue that life was stilling going on.  I know that this post may not provide the comfort that you are looking for.  I wish that I could always provide that but I am only a human leaning on God.  

God has been good to us.  I know that God will supply all of our needs.  I know that in Him I will find the rest and comfort that I need.  

Commitments

I thought that I would add this for those that were unable to go to the funeral and remind those that did.  This is a list of the commitments that my dad made many years ago.  It is a true testimony of what he thought was important.  My brother David, the middle child, remembered seeing these and thought that they were important to add.  He searched everywhere to find them. 

The Bible is the inspired word of God and the final authority on my life.

My purpose in life is to seek God with my whole heart and to build my goals around His priorities.

My body is the temple of God and must not be defiled by the lust of the world.

My church must teach the foundational truths of the Bible and reinforce my basic convictions.

My children belong to God and it is my responsibility to teach them scriptural principles, godly character, and basic convictions.

My activities must never weaken the scriptural convictions of another christian.

My marriage is a lifelong commitment to God and to marriage partner.

My money is a trust from God and must be earned and managed according to scriptural principles.

My words must be in harmony with God's word, especially when reproving and restoring a christian brother.

My work or tasks must be done faithfully and to the best of my ability whether it be large or small.

Picture

I thought I would add this picture.  It is from the last night he was alive.  My mom and Melanee were in the gowns, gloves, and mask because of the MRSA.  They said that he was into taking the pictures and even trying to smile.  If we only knew that would be our last picture.  They sent that to me after they had taken it.  I was with a couple of my friends.  I showed it to them and rolled my eyes.  If I only knew then what I know now...

Thoughts for today

I have started the task of returning emails today.  I feel like I should apologize for taking so long. My mom received the death certificate today.  It stated that the cause of death was septic shock for 6 hours, organ failure for 6 hours, pancreatitis for 4 weeks, and the problem with colon that will not start to spell for 3 weeks.  We have our own cause... God's will.  I know that we should not question God's will but it is hard to not.  I have thought about the timing a lot.  He was in the ICU for exactly one month and 6 hours.  You will notice that he went into septic shock and organ failure the last 6 hours.  We were told that if he did survive this that he would be the same as before.  We didn't believe it though.  As the days went on we saw that man that we loved change. We are not trying to put God's ability in a box, but it seemed that the sicker he got the less likely it was.  I really do think that this was the best answer to the problem.  That is easier to say then to accept.  I still do not understand but I am comforted by the fact that he will not have to worry about the future.  God is good all the time!  

Daniel and his family DFW around 4:30 this morning.  My mom called around 7:45 and they had made it to the town they live in.  

Random Thoughts

I was talking with a friend at church last night.  She has young children and has lost both of her parents.  We were discussing what it is like to teach your child about someone so important that they will never meet.  I told her that I think a lot about why God would have left both Bryan and I fatherless.  Bryan lost his father a little over a year ago.  She said something that will stick with me.  God will provide what we need when we need it.  He will do that for her children and for my child.  He will also do that for me.  It doesn't make everything better, but it does make things more interesting.  I go from being very sad about all that has happened to excited with anticipation of what God has planned.  I have a lot to learn still.  I am so thankful that God gives us all exactly what we need the moment we need it.  I think that a lot of that is reliance on Him.  That is a lesson I have not perfected yet.  

I am thankfully to be home getting my life back into what order I can.  I made a quiet but eventful return to Austin on Monday.  I think that Daniel and his family will head back tomorrow.  Please keep them in your prayers.  The weather is suppose to be pretty bad where they live.  Also, please say a pray for my grandparents and aunt as they travel this weekend to meet up with my uncle somewhere around Atlanta and then continue on to Florida.  

What all happened one week ago...

I am sure at some point people will stop looking here on a regular basis.  What I am doing now is more for me.  I am now letting you into my broken heart.  

I know many of you have heard this already but I thought I would go through what happened medically.  My mom had noticed early in the day that the drain attached to his colon did not look right.  It had been put in a couple of weeks before to help drain the infection.  She mentioned this to the surgeon and he said that it was normal and that we should not be concerned.  We found out about the MRSA that morning as well.  It was in a dormant stage.  They believe it came through the trach and they were beginning to get him off of the trach.  He was doing so well with the ventilator that they did not see any problem with him being off of it.  My question was if they could get him back on the ventilator.  I was told yes but that was improbable at this point.  My dad asked the lung doctor is the MRSA was going to hurt those that came to see him.  For those of you that did not have the pleasure of knowing him, that was the man he was.  He was always concerned about what others.  The doctors were amazed that someone in his condition was concerned about others.  My mom went home that evening telling me that she was unhappy with how he looked and acted.  We knew that he had a long day and that he was tired from all that his body was fighting.  Around 12:30 my mom got a call asking that she come the hospital.  She had spoken to another family that had been called for no reason in the middle of the night.  She thought that she was going to be in the same situation.  She got there and realized it was not good.  They had noticed that the kidneys had started to shut down.  The lungs were shutting down and they were trying to put in the larger trach so they could put him on the ventilator.  The blood pressure dropped and heart rate increased.  They tried to medicate him to stabilize the heart rate.  They told my mom that the only thing they had left to do was actually beat on his chest.  She realized it was time to make a decision.  She went out to talk to David and they agreed that they did not want that.  He looked at the face of God at 6:05 a.m. January 7th.  

I go between being over joyed thinking about what he has done already in heaven to looking at my young baby's face thinking of all he will miss.  I have thought of several things I am going to put on here over the next several days.  I just have to get them on here.    

Funeral Tribute Video

The End of the Day

We would like to say thank you again for all who were able to come to the viewing and funeral. Your presence was a blessing and a true testimony to the life my dad lead. We still are in a bit of shock. We don't understand God's purpose but we are not to question it. We must except what has happened and try to fill the very large shoes that are now empty.

I have had several express appreciation for this blog. I am amazed at how many people were comforted by my simple words. To be very honest, I started this out of pure frustration with answering phone calls and questions. This quickly turned very therapeutic. I realized that others were finding comfort from my very disjointed thoughts.

We have all lost a lot. We are not the true losers in this though. We all have memories of my dad. We can all remember words of wisdom, moments of joy, and a lot of laughs. There are currently three people do not have the opportunity. Dan and Bekah and Bryan and I are currently task with the enormous responsibility of telling Lauren, Kate, and Grant about their Papa. Hopefully one day David and Melanee will have this task a long with any others the rest of us are blessed with. This leads me to my one request. Please help us with this. Yes, we know our father inside and out. But we don't know the ways he blessed you. We would like to create some sort of book for all current and future grandchildren so they will know the power of God through their Papa. Please add a comment or send me an email (meldou@gmail.com) and give us your Frank or Dwight stories.

I wanted to also let you know that I will try to post the picture video from the funeral soon.

Thank you for your prayers thoughts and kindness that you have shown to my family the last month.

More Information

Good afternoon! It seems like such a weird day to not be giving updates on progress. I wanted to let everyone know that there was a memorial set up for the church my parents had grown to love and call home. By what I have seen the last month and especially the last few days, they are loved and considered part of the family as well.

Temple Baptist Church
2501 Northshore Blvd.
Flower Mound, TX 75028

Again, thank you for the great comments. You will never fully understand how much they are helping us. We are so honored to hear how he touched so many lives.

God is so good to us! Thanks for the prayers, comments and everything everyone has done.

Thank you

I just wanted to say thank you for all the great comments today. We have been so encouraged by them. We are in true amazement at the amount of people that have looked at this site. We really have no idea as to God's plan from here. We know that He has one that is perfect. Please keep the comments coming. They have been such a help to all of us today.

I am suppose to be in a preparing to tell the parable of the talents to a room of kindergarten's, 1st and 2nd graders. I have thought a lot about this today. My dad was given so much talent and he, like the first two servants, worked to make the talents he was given be so much more. He did so much for so many.

Please remember that through all of this and no matter what else comes any of our ways God is good!

Update

Thank you so much for comments! They are very encouraging to all of us.

Visitation will be on Friday, January 9th from 6 to 8 at Bluebonnet Funeral Home.

http://www.bluebonnethills.com/

Funeral will be on Saturday, January 10th at noon at Temple Baptist Church in Flower Mound.

http://www.templebc.org/

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks again for all the prayers and comments

Wednesday Morning Update

I am very blessed to tell you that there is a new member of heaven. My dad won the lottery this morning! He has found his eternal home in heaven. I am not sure of all the details of what all happened in the early hours of the morning. I am not sure I will ever know. But the one thing I know is that my father has meet our heavenly Father. God is a good and merciful God. He promised to always answer our prayers. They are not always the way we want them. But we must trust that God's is bigger then us and our plans.

I will post more later. Please check back for more details.

Thanks for the prayers!!! You have no idea how much each of you has meant to us. We may not know you all. But you are answers to our prayers.

Tuesday Evening Update

We have a couple of really big prayer request tonight.  The first is for comfort and rest.  He is having a hard time getting the rest he needs because he cannot get comfortable.  My mom told me that he is miserable because he is tired.  The prayer is that the nurse is able to find out the medicine combination to get him comfortable.  Also, the doctors will be able to find the source of the pain tomorrow and have a solution.  The second request is a new thing.  The discovered a colony of MRSA cells in his lungs today.  MRSA is a strain of staph infection.  They think that it came in from the trach hole.  The prayer is that the doctors will have wisdom and that this will remain inactive.  They are working on removing the trach.  He is doing well on his own.  This is a huge praise.  But also a request that he is able to do it on his own.  

I sometimes feel like I am asking God to move mountains.  I do know that God is the only one that is able to do that.  We serve a wonderful and powerful God.  I want this all in no other hands then our God's.  We as a family are humbled by the love and support you have all shown us.  Thank you so much for being a visible sign of God's love to us!

Thanks for the prayers!!! 

Tuesday Morning Update 12/16

The cat scan showed that there was fluid build up around the lungs.  They are doing a procedure to drain that today.  There is also additional fluid build up around the pancreas.  We are unsure right now what the plan is for that.  We were told that we will have several steps forward followed by steps back.  I guess we are in the steps back right now.  Thankfully these are not untreatable.  I will update you as I know more.  

Thanks for the prayers!!!  Please keep praying.  We are not through this yet!

Monday Evening Update

He had a rough afternoon and evening.  Please pray that the nurse is able to get him comfortable and that he rest well tonight.  He told my mom that he hurt from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet.  I don't have any reports on the test done today.  They did a cat scan of the lungs and abdominal area.  Hopefully we will have news on the in the morning. 

Thanks for the prayers!!!

Monday Morning Update

I don't have much of an update this morning.  He did not sleep well last night.  This will hopefully correct itself once he is out of the ICU.  He told my mom that he found it interesting how the nurses interacted at the nurses station outside his room.  He has a very busy day scheduled.  He will have a heart screen sometime.  The heart doctor thinks he is doing well.  This test should only confirm that.  He will also have physical therapy and speech therapy.  The lung doctor has cleared him to go to the step down unit.  We are just waiting on approval from the surgeon.  He asked for his Nintendo DS with his Brain Age game (this is something he used a lot after the stroke) and for his sudoku books.  He is trying to build up his brain power to get back to work!!!  I will post more as I know it.  

Thanks for the prayers!!!

Sunday Evening Update

My mom walked into the ICU room this morning to find the lung doctor.  He had just replaced the trach with one that would allow my dad the freedom to talk.  My mom said that he is talking very quietly, but we will take that.  He has actually been off the ventilator since Saturday morning.  We were told that he would probably be in ICU 24 to 48 hours after getting off the ventilator.  He would then move to a regular room on a regular floor.  We have also been told that he will not move out of ICU till the gallbladder is out.  That surgery is still weeks away.  All that to say that we are unsure what our next milestone will be.  Hopefully we will know more tomorrow.  The white blood cell count was down a little.  That is good.  The red blood cell count is also down a little.  That level is not quite low enough to need another blood transfusion.  His back has started to bother him now.  Hopefully they are able to get him comfortable tonight and he is able to rest.  So not much new information.  The weekends are always slow and frustrating.

Thanks for the prayers!!!

Sunday morning update

He breathed without the ventilator all night. Everything sounds like it went well with that. Numbers appear to be good. The big thing is pain level and lack of pain medicine.

Thanks for the prayers!!!

Saturday Evening Update

Things went okay today.  The lung doctor has taken him off of all pain medicine.  He was complaining of stomach pain this evening so the nurse gave him something.  We are unsure what it is.  He has not been resting well.  Please pray that he will be able to rest tonight.  He had a man come to visit today that had thee same thing a little over a year ago.  He is doing great now.  My dad was tried from his busy morning.  So the visit was not as long of profitable as it could of been.  Hopefully he will come back by another day.  His mother-in-law is a volunteer at the hospital and I had talked to her about what was going on and her son-in-law's experience.  She said that the thing that got them through was a strong church family and a great prayer chain.  I told her that we were blessed by both.  

Thanks for the prayers!!!

Saturday morning update

He was up in the recliner when my mom got there. Everything looks good. The only exception is the white blood cell count. Please pray that they find a quick resolution to this ongoing issue. Also, please pray for his physical therapy sessions. Pray that he is using each one to their fullest.

Thanks for the prayers!!!

Friday Night Update

He spoke tonight!  They put the valve into the trach and he spoke his first words in about 3 weeks.  He told those in the room that he loved them.  He also wanted to watch the video that Bekah had sent of the girls.  He had it turned up as loud as possible.  All the nurses were listening to Lauren say Papa from the their station outside of the door.  My said they acted very excited to see him showing interest in the DVD.  He started speech therapy today.  He will have the same therapist that he had after the stroke.  She is very fond of my dad.  She said that he uses him as an example of a real success.  She is sad to see him under these circumstances but is excited to get to help him.  

Thanks for the prayers!!!

Friday Morning

Everything looks pretty good this morning.  The white blood cell count is elevated a little more, but there is no fever.  He was up and in a chair this morning.  My mom thinks that he is starting to show a little more life.  Hopefully they are able to get him up and moving a little today.  

Thanks for the prayers!!!

Thursday Evening

He had a pretty good day.  His fever dropped on its own.  They told my mom this evening that he has good reason to be tired tonight because they worked him this morning.  The nurse said that he will be up and walking a little bit tomorrow.  That will be a slow progress since he has not walked since the first week in December.  All the levels are reported being at an okay level.  They took out the dialysis port this afternoon.  Overall things are progressing the right way!  He still has a some hurdles to jump and a long road to regain his strength.  

Thanks for the prayers!!!  

Thursday Morning

He had an okay night.  He slept about four hours.  The nurse told him that he was getting up this morning and that he would need to sit in the chair for two hours.  He does have a bit of a fever this morning.  Hopefully that will not stay around today.  Please pray that the doctors and nurses will have wisdom and that my dad will not get discouraged.  

Thanks for the prayers!!!