Wait... I forgot...

I wanted to tell you all thank you for all of your love and support over this past year. You have helped to make this transition easier. Also, I wanted to remind you that God is so very good. He has blessed us beyond measure and for that we are eternally grateful!!!

One Year Later...

I know it has been a long time since I last posted. We have officially made it through one year. I still cannot believe that God's plan was for us to press on with life without Dad. We have done just that. It has not been easy at all. Overall we have had a good year. Only because we know that he would of wanted nothing else. I know I think of him daily. There are so many things I would of asked had I known I would not always have him as a resource. He always had such away of giving advice. I am sure you have your own memories of him. I heard the Mercy Me song Homesick that was played in the video. I love that song so much. Right after that the song Our Hope Endures by Natalie Grant was played. I love the line that asks how we find joy at a good man's wake. That line always makes me smile because I know how we can. We have such an incredible gift in the promise that we will see our brothers and sisters in Christ again. I know that while this year has had so many first for us I hold on to the promise that I have not said goodbye forever but only for a time.

If I could encourage you to do one thing that would be to take a family picture when you are together. We have learned how quickly those pictures become cherished memories. Grant looks at the family picture we took a year and a half ago and he points to my dad and calls him Papa.

We all spent Christmas together at Dan and Bekah's house. We had a great a time I thought I would share some pictures from the weekend.

The girl in the tan coat in the center is David's wife Melanee.

Grant was told to go sit by the girls and he planted himself front and center. He is a character. I take that back... they are all three characters!!!

Lauren is 3 1/2

Kate is 21 months

Grant is 21 months

Update

I am not sure if anyone is reading this much anymore.  I thought I would try to quickly update you on what all we have been up to over the last few months.  Now the only question is where to start. 

We will start with the biggest change.  David has moved to Montana.  Yes you did read that right. He was actually traveling back and forth for job interviews while dad was in the hospital.  Mel is still in the DFW area.  She hangs out with my mom on a regular basis.  She is working very hard on planning the wedding for this coming July.  David seems to be enjoying his new job and his new location.  I know that he had a very difficult time leaving because he felt the he left my mom alone.  He knows that we support his decision and will do what we can to help.  We also know how excited and proud dad was of him during the interviewing process.  My dad would be completely focused on anything to do with the move and new job when he was in the hospital.  So overall Dave has had the most changes and he is doing good!

Dan and Bekah are doing well.  Dan had his gallbladder removed in mid-February.  The surgery went well and he is doing pretty good.  They are busy as always, but they are doing good.

Bryan and I are also doing good.  We are keeping busy with life.  But there is nothing really big or exciting with us!  Stick around for a few months and it will get exciting.  It always does!

Now for the update on the three smallest members of the family.  All three have celebrated their birthdays'.  Yes that is right... we know have two one year olds and a three year old in the family.  They are all doing good and are growing like weeds.  Lauren has a big thing about asking my mom and I if Papa gave us our necklaces.  My mom always says that yes he did give her hers.  Bryan gave me mine so that is what I tell her.  My mom got Lauren a necklace for her birthday.  When she opened it at her party she said something to the effect of "papa gave me a necklace."  Talk about a real party stopper.  It was really sweet and she was so proud of it.  She was talking to me one day and we were talking about going to the zoo.  She told me that we could take papa.  Then she looked at me and laughed and said "Issa... Papa can't go... He is in heaven."  I told her that she was right and we went on with the conversation.  But all three are doing good.

Now for the person you are probably most concerned about, my mom.  She is doing pretty well.  Everyday holds a little encouragement and a little reminder.  She is working hard on getting things completed.  She is looking forward to the day when things are not still outstanding.  She has kept very busy with trips to Chicago, Florida, and Austin.  She made to both birthday parties.  She has had lots of company and lots of friends to do stuff with.  We are grateful for the impact each of you have had to make this transition more comfortable for her.

Not a day goes by that I don't replay the events of the month dad spent in the hospital.  Not a night goes by that I don't go to bed without thinking about the night that I got the call that he was not going to make it.  But, not a day goes by that I don't smile at some reminder of him.  He was such an incredible man and left us with so many great memories but still such a large void.  Thank you for you continued thoughts and prayers.  We still need them and they are still felt!   

Moments

I have started typing an update many times.  I stop before I actually get it posted each time.  Everyone is doing okay.  I know that we still feel that this is all unreal.  I was talking to my friend whose dad is in construction in DFW area and was trying to remember how a couple of companies came about.  I thought to myself that I need to call dad when I am on my way home and ask him.  Thankfully I didn't say it out loud.  I know my friend would of understood, but I still would of felt stupid. 

I have battled a lot with what to do about this blog.  I originally set it up as my family blog to update on the fun stuff we were doing.  I don't want to change what this blog has become.  I have decided that I will start a new blog to post all the fun things we do.  I will still post on here my updates on my mom and my own personal journey through the grief.  Please feel free to check it out.  The address is funattheatkinsons.blogspot.com.  It is just getting started.  Please forgive me if you check it before it has stuff on it.

Just Smiling

There is a quote from Dr. Seuss that goes like this "Don't cry because it is over.  Smile because it happened."  I have found myself doing both of these things recently.  Grant has taught himself how to climb up the stairs.  I think every time that he gets to the top how proud my dad would be to see this.  It is so easy to smile when I think of all the memories that I will always have.  I will have those for a very long time.  God has been and will be so good to us.  He has provided all that we need and will continue to do so.  

Time

I can't believe that we are at the three week mark.  It has really hit me this week that his death is real.  I left my mom's the Monday after the funeral.  I guess that kind of made me separate myself from acknowledging it.  I went back last Thursday.  It really hit me that he was not in the hospital or just at work.  I had a good visit with my mom.  We had many good discussions.  One that sticks out was about time.  I remember the morning that he died I was in the car on the way up there.  I had left my house in Austin around 5:30.  It was still dark outside when David called.  Shortly after the sun started to come up.  I vividly remember thinking to myself that the sun was still going to raise.  I said to myself and the baby sleeping in the backseat "I guess the world is going to keep going".  I thought this many times while my dad was in the hospital.  We would get Christmas cards and I would always think to myself "don't these people know that the world has stopped?"  I now know that it didn't.  My mom and I discussed the balance between figuring out how to catch up on life while still being respectful of my dad.  I noticed last Thursday a large barn had been built and on that was completed framed on my drive between Austin and Dallas.  I had not noticed anything there on my trips recently.  I have made this trip many times and can tell you if there was a barn there or not.  I guess I was so wrapped up in my life stopping that I had no clue that life was stilling going on.  I know that this post may not provide the comfort that you are looking for.  I wish that I could always provide that but I am only a human leaning on God.  

God has been good to us.  I know that God will supply all of our needs.  I know that in Him I will find the rest and comfort that I need.  

Commitments

I thought that I would add this for those that were unable to go to the funeral and remind those that did.  This is a list of the commitments that my dad made many years ago.  It is a true testimony of what he thought was important.  My brother David, the middle child, remembered seeing these and thought that they were important to add.  He searched everywhere to find them. 

The Bible is the inspired word of God and the final authority on my life.

My purpose in life is to seek God with my whole heart and to build my goals around His priorities.

My body is the temple of God and must not be defiled by the lust of the world.

My church must teach the foundational truths of the Bible and reinforce my basic convictions.

My children belong to God and it is my responsibility to teach them scriptural principles, godly character, and basic convictions.

My activities must never weaken the scriptural convictions of another christian.

My marriage is a lifelong commitment to God and to marriage partner.

My money is a trust from God and must be earned and managed according to scriptural principles.

My words must be in harmony with God's word, especially when reproving and restoring a christian brother.

My work or tasks must be done faithfully and to the best of my ability whether it be large or small.